Thursday, 9 August 2012

Quotes! Second Grave on the Left by Darynda Jones

Here are some of my favourite quotes from my recent read:
#2: Second Grave on the Left by Darynda Jones. (Click title for review).

Chance of getting a spoiler are slim, but still beware.

1. “You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed.
"Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.
"Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.”

2. “Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.”

3. “I’m Charlotte Davidson: private investigator, police consultant, all -around badass. Or I could’ve been a badass, had I stuck with those lessons in mixed martial arts. I was only in that class to learn how to kill people with paper.”

4. “Come here often?” I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.

5. “That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.”
“You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice.
“Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you
knew that.”

6. “I suck at all this supernatural stuff. But I fry a mean chicken.”
“Oh, good. I hate it when the nice ones get fried.”

7. “Okay, staring with my left pinkie toe. We have Dopey, Doc, Grump, Happy, Bashful, Sneezy, sleepy, Queen Elizabeth the Third, Bootylicious the Patron Saint of Hot Asses, and Pinkie Floyd.” After a thoughtful moment, he asked, “Pinkie Floyd?” “You know, like the band, only not.” “Right. Did you name your fingers?” I turned an incredulous look on him. I was a master of incredulity. “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

8. “I’m very uncomfortable.” Garrett said with a groan. “Don’t be ridiculous. My presence alone is comforting.” “Not especially.”

9. Apparently in high school, Cookie had been voted Person most Likely to Die Any Second Now.

10. I scooted through the basement window on my stomach and dropped into a somersault, landing on my feet on the cement slab of the basement. ‘Cause that’s how I roll. The times I’d tried that same maneuver only to land on my ass with dirt and cobwebs coating my hair didn’t count.

11. I clawed and slipped my way to the top of the fence, cringing as the metal wire dug into my fingers. Guys made this stuff look so easy. The only things I liked to scale on a semi-regular basis were those same guys who made this stuff look easy.

12. Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly

13. She crossed her arms again and said. “Duh.” Then she disappeared. I ground my teeth just a little, certain Strawberry was God’s way of punishing me for having one-too-many margaritas last Thursday night that resulted in an ugly, tabletop version of the hokey pokey.

14. I hated it when I bled internally. If I was going to bleed, I wanted to see the evidence, revel in the heroics of it all.

15. But we’d never really seen eye to eye. Mostly cause’ he was much taller than I was.

16. Damn. I hated torture. It was so torturous.

17. That was different. People rarely had good things to say about me. Unless “certifiable nutcase” had finally shed its bad rep.

18. I got the feeling he would enjoy torturing me. And call me sentimental, but damn it, I liked bringing joy to the world.

19. You stir up more hornets’ nests than a twelve-year-old boy with a baseball bat. You’re like Lois Lane on crack.

20. “What have you got?” “Besides great boobs?” I asked. “On the case.” He was so testy.

21. “Lord of the Rings, what now?”

22. I turned towards her. If nothing else, I should get a plate of homemade cookies out of the deal, as Mrs. Allen considered homemade cookies payment enough for spending hours hunting down America’s Most Menacing. Which actually worked for me.

23. “So, what did he say about me?” I asked her. She giggled and shook her head. “No, really. Did he mention my ass?”

24. I wasn’t just some random chick they were going to torture and bury in the desert. I was specially chosen to be tortured and buried in the desert. The self-esteem had already jumped a notch.

25. “Here, take this.” He reached behind his back. “Is it a get-the-fuck-outta-Dodge-free card?”

26. “I busted him tailing you.”…”You mean, when you were tailing me, too?” “Yeah. He’d been tailing you for days.” “Mr. Chao,” I said, my voice admonishing. “I do have a nice ass, though, huh?”

27. Another round of gunfire blared around us. “Son of a bitch,” Garrett said as bullets ricocheted in every direction. “Who the fuck is that, anyway?” “Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that he told me his name. It’s Let’s-Get-the-Fuck-Outta-Dodge Redenbacher.”

28. “How did you find me?” Smith gestured with a nod. “Mr. Chao noticed two men loading something large into their trunk in the alley behind your apartment building.” “Large?” I asked, suddenly offended.

29. “Don’t fall asleep.” I snored. Really loud. “You’re hilarious,” he said, though I felt his admiration insincere.

30. Wow, this was nice. In an Addams Family sort of way.

31. We were venturing into Denialville again, which was not nearly as fun as Margaritaville


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