Here are some of my favourite quotes from my recent read
#3: Third Grave Dead Ahead by Darynda Jones. (Click title for Review).
As always may lead to spoilers, but I highly doubt it.
1. “I hardly loathe myself. Have you seen my ass?”
2. If life hands you lemons, keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.
3. At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.
4. An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die
5. “Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said.
"One, are you sitting down?"
"Two, are you mentally stable?"
"More than you'll ever be."
Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.”
6. “Oh, my god!" I said, throwing my hands over my eyes and hurtling my body against the counter.
"I'm not naked."
"You're not blind. I'm wearing pants."
"Oh." That was embarrassing.
7. God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
8. He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
9. “No. This has to do with drugs."
My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?"
She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are."
"I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.”
10. Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance
11. I was in a mental asylum? When the fuck did that happen?
12. “Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.
13. “I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.”
“Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?”
“Oh, no, that’s just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?”
“Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.”
“So, you’re saying I’m a racist?”
14. “Hey, I'm going to Super Dog for a quick bite and to pass along a message from a dead guy to his girlfriend. You should come with me."
"I can't go with you."
"Is it because of my questionable morals?"
"No, it's because it's three o'clock in the afternoon and I have to pick up Amber from school."
"Oh, right. So the morals thing doesn't bother you?”
15. “You don’t count. Skinny chicks are dumb.” “I beg your pardon. You think I’m skinny?”
16. “My goodness. Garrett on one end and Reyes on the other. It’s like a really hot, melty s’more”
17. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, a grin brightening his features that may have been attractive, had I found nice-looking men with amazing skill appealing. Good thing I didn’t.
18. I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We’d had a thing for quite some time now, Mr.Coffee and I, and there was just enough of him left for one more cup. No need to make a fresh pot, to get him all hot and bothered.
19. For the most part, he was okay. For the rest, he could bite me.
20. “You’re always fooled. You always think the best of people. That’s why we get along so well. You can’t see past my charm and stunning beauty to the real me.”
“Oh, no, I see the real you. I just feel sorry for the mentally challenged. I think you guys deserve just as much of a chance at a normal life as the next guy.”
“That’s so sweet,” I said like a cheerleader on meth.
She shrugged. “I try to be a positive influence to the less fortunate.”
21. “Jane.” I said, swallowing hard. “Jane Smith.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said it was Charlotte or Sherry or something.”
“It was. I very recently changed it”
“Do you know what I do to people who mess with my family?”
“And I’m moving to South America.”
“I hurt them.”
“And possibly getting a sex-change operation. You’d never recognize me, you know, if you ever came looking.”
“Are we finished?” Damn. Trick question.
22. Swopes, I thought with a snort. What a freaking traitor. My uncle Bob says, Follow Charley, and he does it. Like, just does it. Like our friendship mean nothing to him. Of course, it doesn’t, but still. Punk ass.
23. “Where are you?” I asked.
“Who is this?”
“What time is it?”
24. “Give me a dollar.” I said to him.
He wrinkled his brows. “Why?”
I rethought my demand. “That’s a good question. You’re loaded. Give me a twenty.”
He exhaled, then fished a twenty out of his wallet.
“Now I’m working for you.”
25. A small gathering of men stood on grassy knoll, gazing at the long fairway before them. Or, possibly at me as I was practicing my evasive maneuvers in case I was ever shot at while driving a golf cart. This thing was just cool. But it needed flames. Possibly a lift kit.
26. “I’m good. Thank you so much.”
“Tell your uncle he’s an ass,” he called out to me.
“Will do.” I liked that man.
27. “Ever heard of the term chain of custody?”
“Ever heard of the term Luther Dean don’t give a shit?”
28. “I’m completely appalled,” I said, completely appalled. “You guys have known all this time? You watch me?”“Mostly just your ass,” the prince said with a wink. Charmer.